Stay my Hand
by Potter-Snape
Summary: Harry saves Snape's life and things get...interesting. Yummy slashiness ensues. Will be NC-17 eventually.
1. Default Chapter

It was, Harry decided, very odd. Professor Snape was looking at him again. Not the twisted glare that very neatly expressed his seething hatred of the boy or the evil smirk that promised humiliations galore. This was different, and it made Harry very uneasy. He shifted in his seat and tried to pay attention to what Lupin was telling him...something about the lessons for today...but nothing from Lupin's mouth got anywhere near Harry's brain as he watched Snape from the corner of his eye. What is his problem anyway? Harry thought peevishly as he tried to turn his attention to breakfast.

It had been three weeks since the end of term and for the first time in Harry's life he was spending the summer away from the Dursleys. He should have been ecstatic, but the circumstances that made it possible weighed down any joy he might have felt about being allowed to stay at Hogwarts. Harry's mind wandered back to that night.

_Portkeys. He just loves his little portkeys. It had been his broom this time courtesy of Mr. Draco Malfoy. The familiar sickening pull and he had found himself in what was fast becoming an all too familiar clearing in a graveyard surrounded by dark cloaks and blank masks. His broom was snatched away and quickly reduced to ash by a muttered spell. Voldemort doesn't make a mistake twice and this time there was no chance young Potter would be returning to Hogwarts. Not alive at any rate. Harry looked around wildly. No one was making a move towards him, no curses were being thrown. It was a still, warm night and Harry suddenly found himself oddly peaceful. If he was going to be killed then there wasn't much he could do beyond fight and maybe hope to take a few death eaters down on the journey. The air crackled with tension but still no one moved. Suddenly Harry's scar exploded with pain. He fell to his knees gasping, one hand over his forehead in a desperate attempt to stop the pain. Voldemort had arrived at last. Gritting his teeth Harry stood and faced him ,the pure hatred he felt for this thing that had ruined his life and so many others washed away any fear he might have felt. They stood there a long moment looking at one another then Voldemort's thin reptilian lips twisted in a horrid mocking smile._

" I have a present for you Mr. Potter. Consider it a parting gift." He grinned maniacally and raised his hand.

Harry whipped out his wand quickly, ready to defend himself, but no attack came. Instead the circle opened just enough to admit three people. The two men on the outside supported the third who it seemed could barely keep himself up. They dragged the man roughly to the middle of the circle right in front of Harry and threw him to the ground. The man whimpered softly and tried to roll over on his back. One of the men who had been supporting him brought his foot back and delivered a rough kick eliciting a mewling cry of pain from the man on the ground.

" Stay where you are traitor" He lifted his mask just enough to spit on the man before turning and joining his partner in the circle.

The man at Harry's feet whimpered pathetically, but he did his best to ignore the man's suffering. It wouldn't do either of them any good if Harry lost his focus and provided an easy and open target.

" Well aren't you at least a little curious?" Voldemort hissed " It's not very polite to refuse a present. Perhaps a little lesson in manners...Crucio!"

Harry fell to the ground as the searing pain shot through every nerve in his body. He screamed and writhed, but somehow managed to retain hold of his wand. He pressed his face deep into the grass panting for breath as the last shockwaves of pain made their way through his body. He tried to suppress a soft sob.

"Potter?"

It was spoken softly and Harry turned his head to the side in answer. His face was now only inches away from the man's on the ground. The man who was covered with blood and bruises. Whose thin lips were split and caked with dried blood, whose big, hooked nose looked squashed and crooked and horribly broken.

"Professor Snape?"

Snape's eyes seemed distant and confused. He tried to move closer to Harry and the effort made him cry out with pain.

" You have to get out of here Potter." He panted softly.

Voldemort laughed. " I think Severus that if escape were a possibility Potter would have left us some time ago."

The death eaters laughed. A horrible mocking sound that sent a surge of anger through Harry giving him the strength to stand up. He glared at Voldemort who seemed completely unconcerned. He turned his attention away from Harry.

"Draco Malfoy" he beckoned softly. The shadows shifted and a figure emerged. Dressed in the robes and mask of a death eater it stepped forward visibly trembling.

" Yes My Lord." Harry recognized the voice instantly although it lacked the usual sneering edge he had grown use to hearing. It really was Draco. Harry wasn't surprised but if it was possible he got even more angry. His teeth ground down on each other and his fists clenched tight as he resisted the urge to rip off that mask and hear the satisfying crunch Draco's nose would make when it connected with his fist.

"Take that mask off boy! Let him see you. You have done well. Enjoy your triumph."

Hands trembling, Draco obeyed, but he did not look at Harry or Snape. His attention remained at Voldemort's feet.

"Look at this boy." Voldemort addressed the circle "Barely a month in my service and he has delivered a filthy traitor and Harry Potter. Many of you would be wise to follow his example." His voice became lower and more threatening. " Especially those of you who have thirteen years of disappointment to make up for."

Murmurs of "yes my lord" and "forgive us master" could be heard all around the circle.

"Enough!" Cried Voldemort " I do not wish to listen to any pathetic sniveling tonight. Draco..." Draco had still not moved an inch, but he did raise his head minutely to acknowledge his lord's call. " Which of these vermin should die first?"

Draco's mouth opened, but no sound came out. He shook his head once and at last turned to look at Harry and the professor who seemed to have lost the battle with his injured body and lost consciousness. His eyes raked over the pathetic broken form on the ground. Something flickered in those icy eyes. After a long moment he looked up at Harry who suddenly felt very confused. Draco's eyes, normally so hard and cold, were not filled with gloating or triumph. He looked scared and sorry and suddenly very young. Harry felt a soft stirring of hope. Maybe Draco would help them. Draco abruptly turned away. Maybe not.

" I...I don't know my Lord." Draco sounded as if he would rather be anywhere but where he was.

"Regardless we'll have to wake our dear Severus up. He cannot be allowed to sleep through all the fun. Ennervate." Snape's eyes opened slowly. It was obvious that he had no idea where he was at the moment. He tried to get up and fell back groaning.

" Professor." Harry knelt and gently encouraged Snape to lay back down by pressing as gently as he could on his shoulders. "Don't try to move. You're hurt."

" Pott..Harry?" Snape sounded confused and childlike.

If Harry was surprised that Snape even knew his first name he didn't show it. He simply nodded reassuringly. "Yes it's me, Harry." Snape's confusion slowly faded as he looked around the circle. His black eyes filled with sadness and a little fear.

"We're going to die." He stated softly

"Correct Severus. One hundred points to Slytherin for stating the obvious." Voldemorts lips curved into a mocking smile as the death eaters laughed all around them.

An unknown emotion began to work its way through Harry at the sound of Voldemort's mocking voice and the laughter of the death eaters. How dare they! How dare they hurt someone so terribly then mock them. He looked at the man next to him. This man who had saved his life and who was willing to sacrifice himself for the rest of the wizarding world. He may not have ever been very kind. Hell, he was a horrid bastard, but no one deserved this. Harry felt a rush of protective rage and before he thought about what he was doing he pointed his wand and growled out one word: "Crucio."

Harry was momentarily shocked when Voldemort dropped to the ground. It had actually worked. He took advantage of the momentary confusion and began cursing death eaters left and right all the while trying to think of a way that they could get out of here. Then he saw it. Draco's mask was lying on the ground. Harry dove for it. After the Tri Wizard tournament, Dumbledore thought it a good idea to teach Harry the charm for turning objects into portkeys lest he should find himself in danger yet again. He concentrated as hard as he possibly could given the circumstances as he muttered the spell. Dropping the mask he turned to grab Snape and found himself staring at a blank mask and outstretched wand.

"Crucio" Shrieked the death eater. Harry braced himself for the pain. It didn't come. In front of him Draco lay writhing on the ground. Harry allowed himself a tenth of a second to be astonished before rushing to Snape's side. Voldemort was getting up off the ground. Power seemed to radiate from him in waves and Harry was fairly sure that if they didn't get out of here soon they would be dead. He grabbed Snape's hand, it felt cold. Draco lay sobbing on the ground. Harry didn't have time to think about what he was doing.

"Accio Draco. Accio mask." He felt the jerk at his navel, heard Voldemorts scream of rage and knew they would be alright. 

And they had been. It had been two months and already Harry's nightmares about the incident were becoming a weekly occurrence rather than a nightly one. Snape's face had healed and Draco, who was sitting beside Harry silently eating, was even getting back to being sarcastic and superior although his insults no longer seemed to have much force behind them_. _Things were settling into some semblance of normalcy except for the way Snape kept looking at him.It seemed almost as if he were curious about something. The first few times Harry had noticed it he thought maybe he had spinach in his teeth or something spilled on his shirt, but there seemed to be nothing offensive on his person that Snape would have cause to look at. And for some inexplicable reason Harry found himself very often blushing under the scrutiny of the potions master. Maybe it was because of all the....stuff..that had happened in the hospital wing.

__

Draco had been released from the hospital wing after only one night. He left sullenly with a very stern Dumbledore leading the way. Harry didn't envy Draco the conversation he was about to have. Madame Pomfrey had insisted Harry stay at least three or four days so his back and shoulder could properly heal. Perhaps he had not been concentrating hard enough because the portkey had taken them to Hogsmeade rather than Hogwarts. Harry had carried a very unconscious Snape the whole way to the castle, dislocating his shoulder and throwing out his back in the process. He had only been a little surprised to find Draco still trailing behind him when they reached Hogwarts. Snape hadn't yet woken up, though Pomfrey assured Harry that this was perfectly normal and would actually allow the potions master to heal faster. 'Like I care' Harry thought mentally rolling his eyes. Just because he didn't want the bastard to die didn't mean he cared in the least bit about the progress of his recovery. Let the slimey git sleep the rest of the term away. Better yet, let him sleep til Harry's graduation. You know what might as well just....

'Methinks the lady doth protest too much' taunted an increasingly familiar voice in Harry's head. 

Harry frowned 'Shut up' he snapped back vaguely aware that maybe having an argument with a voice inside one's own head didn't speak highly for his sanity.

'Well' the voice drawled teasingly 'they do say actions speak louder than words and your actions tell a most peculiar tale.'

Harry didn't respond, but wondered if giving himself a concussion would shut the voice up.

' I mean' the voice teased 'if you really do hate him then why all the hand holding and hair petting last night? Hmmm?'

'He was having a nightmare....I couldn't sleep with all that moaning and thrashing. I..I just didn't want to have to listen to that all night.'

'Oh well that makes sense. So you sat on his bed for hours holding his hand and stroking his face rather than simply casting a soundproofing spell? And you did stay there half the night despite the fact that he stopped making noise after a few minutes. You must hate him an awful lot.' the voice sounded smugly triumphant.

'You know I don't have to listen to this' That wasn't entirely true since Harry did not know how one went about ignoring one's own brain, but he needed something to cling to.

'Of course you don't, I'll shut up so you can go back to watching him sleep'

Harry cursed under his breath. Goddamnit the voice was right. He was on his side watching Snape sleep and he had been for quite some time. Harry scowled and rolled over to his other side. He stared defiantly at the empty bed across from him. He did his best to ignore Snape's even breathing and to banish the image of the potions master sleeping peacefully in the next bed.

'Well' the voice sounded condescending 'You certainly showed me.'

" Harry...Harry. Harry!" Harry's head snapped up to see a very amused Remus Lupin eyeing him curiously.

"Wha...What?"

"Well I've been talking for about ten minutes now and I'm pretty sure you haven't heard a word and you were just scowling at your eggs. Have they offended you in some way?" Remus teased lightly.

" Uh no..I'm sorry I guess I was just lost in my thoughts" Harry said lamely. He would not blush. He would not look at Snape. He would not blush. He would not look at Snape. He lost the battle and quickly glanced at Snape who was scowling at his own breakfast. He felt the colour rise in his cheeks. Remus didn't seem to notice.

" That's okay" he said genially " It can wait til the lesson this afternoon."

"Thanks" Harry was looking forward to the DADA lesson. It gave his weary mind a chance to stop mulling over certain...things. He hadn't been too surprised when Dumbledore had informed himself and Draco that they would both be receiving extra lessons over the summer. Draco had scowled, but Harry thought it would be a good opportunity. After all they did have N.E.W.T.'s next year and with all the times Harry had already had to face Voldemort he could use all the experience he could get. He suspected this latter reason was on Dumbledore's mind when he set up the lessons. Since term ended he had been having daily lessons with Lupin. Draco was with Snape in the dungeons. Oh. My. God. It suddenly occurred to Harry that this was his last week of lessons with Lupin. Next week he and Draco switched and then...and then he would be in potions...with Snape.

'Ooooh' the voice was back 'alone time with Severus. That should be...stimulating'

"Shut up!" Harry hissed. Everyone at the table looked at him. Oh god he had said that out loud hadn't he? Harry quickly rose from the table muttering some excuses about homework before practically running out of the great hall. What was wrong with him? He needed to stop obsessing over everything that had happened in the hospital wing. Snape acted as if he had no memory of any of it, so why couldn't he do the same? He didn't notice Snape's eyes as they followed him all the way out of the doors.

*******ok you guys tell me what you think or if you even care for me to continue. I was planning for the next chapter to be a flashback to all the yummy slashiness in the hospital wing. Please please review!


	2. little victories

**Authors notes:**ok so I know I promised loads of yummy slash, but this damn thing keeps writing itself. Although I do promise that chap 3 will be the end of my overuse of flashbacks. Hang on. I'll get to the good stuff eventually. Oh but as this is finals week for me it'll probably be a week or so before chap 3. Please r/r as always and thanks to those who already have. You're the reason I wrote this. And now one with the show.

Harry ran up to Griffindor tower, proceeded to throw himself into a large armchair and unroll his unfinished transfiguration essay. All the while he silently repeated his mantra of the past two months: I will not think about it. I will not think about it. I will not think about him. Damnit! Harry threw his scroll to the floor in frustration. He'd been over and over the week in the hospital wing a hundred times. He really didn't need to think about it any more. Well maybe running through it one more time wouldn't hurt. Maybe he would discover some new memory that would give him some insight into Snape's mind or at least allow him to finally let the strange events go and concentrate on the present. Harry sighed and closed his eyes. It couldn't hurt to think about it just one last time.

_Snape woke up the second day of Harry's week in the hospital wing. Harry had been sitting on the bed absently eating a chocolate frog with his head buried in his charms book in an attempt to not watch Snape sleep anymore when a low groan caught his attention. Probably another nightmare. Harry had spent the previous night in the hospital wing the exact same way he had spent the first night. Holding Snape's hand and murmuring soft assurances had seemed to ease the nightmares and doing it all night meant he had less time to analyze how odd his actions were. He didn't stop to analyze them now. Abandoning both the book and the half-eaten frog, he slid off his bed and softly approached his professor. Snape was murmuring softly and moving his head from side to side._

"Shh. It's fine. Everything's alright." Harry whispered while he stroked Snape's clenched fist. The hand released its death grip on the sheets and Snape's face gradually relaxed back into peaceful repose. Still Harry made no move to return to his bed. Rather he gradually eased himself into a sitting position on Snape's bed all the while continuing to pet his hand. Harry gazed thoughtfully at his sleeping teacher. In sleep Snape looked completely different. Well maybe not completely different. His nose, even wrapped up in bandages was still far to big for his face. His hair was still greasy and he was still far from what anyone would consider attractive. But there was something different. Perhaps it was the way his mouth had relaxed out of the habitual scowl and now looked much softer. Or it could be the way all the lines on his forehead had smoothed out now that he wasn't glaring at anyone. It was a shame he wasn't unconscious more often. It was a good look for him.

'Not that you have a problem with how he looks most of the time'

Harry frowned to himself, but didn't argue with the voice. It was true. He and Snape's relationship had improved greatly since fourth year. Their grudging respect for each other meant that Harry no longer mouthed off in class and Snape stopped trying to get him in trouble all the time. Oh he still insulted Harry constantly, but it was mainly about his appalling performance in potions or about the whole famous Harry Potter thing. All in all they were a lot less personal and Harry had stopped being as bothered by his snarky potions master. Then, near the end of his fifth year, Harry had made a startling and disturbing discovery. Somewhere between hatred and respect, he, Harry Potter, had begun to find the dreaded potions master……..attractive. Not in any traditional way naturally. The attraction had less to do with physical appearance than simply the overall presence of the man. His soft, richly textured voice. The aura of control and power he carried with him. The long graceful hands as they rested on the podium while he lectured. Added together with his dry sense of humor, which Harry only realized was there after he stopped hating the man enough to see the hilarity of half the insults he dished out, and Harry had suddenly found himself looking forward to double potions. He had been horrified at the realization. He was sure that something must be very very very wrong with him, but Hermione, the only person he had or would ever tell, had told him that it was just hormones and not to take any attraction at this age too seriously. The idea that it was simply adolescence and at his age almost anybody could seem shaggable would have been more comforting if his attraction for Snape in any way resembled the attraction he had felt towards others. But it just didn't. Sure he noticed other people, but none of them gave him an oddly pleasant twinge in the pit of his stomach whenever they drew near. And since the middle of his sixth year, no one else had even made an appearance in his fantasies. He had tried to force himself to think about someone, anyone else, but with no luck. Snape was always there and eventually Harry had given up trying to recast him.

Looking down at Snape's sleeping form, Harry repressed the urge to laugh. If he only knew. Harry tried to imagine Snape's reaction to the news that the-boy-who-lived wanked off to him on a nightly basis. Would he blush? Could he blush? Probably not. It was more likely he would be thoroughly disgusted and then use the information to humiliate Harry every chance he got in front of a large group of slytherins if possible. 

The thought made Harry smile. As twisted as it sounded that was the thing he liked most about Snape. The fact that he had no qualms about treating Harry like dirt made for a refreshing change from the coddling and adoration he received from everyone else. Everything in his life seemed to revolve around the damned scar on his forehead. People like Collin adored him for it, Malfoy hated him for it, but Snape…Snape had simply disliked **him**, Harry Potter, arrogant brat and son of his enemy. Snape seemed as sick of the famous scar as Harry himself was. Harry wanted that, wanted someone who didn't care about the fame or the scar or any of it. Snape fit the bill. Okay so maybe he had swung a little far in the other direction, but at least he made Harry forget that everyone else thought he was special and expected great things from him.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice the hand he was stroking abruptly tense. He didn't feel the weight of that obsidian gaze fix on him. He simply continued petting Snape's hand while smiling absently to himself. Snape's hand jerked roughly out of Harry's grasp causing him to jump off the bed in surprise. Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Double shit. Harry raised his eyes to meet those of the potions master.

"What in God's name do you think you were doing?" Snape's deadly whisper was filled with disgust and suspicion. 

"Um I…you were..it's not….sorry professor." Harry finally concluded.

Snape's eyes were narrow slits, his mouth a thin line. He looked furious.

"Despite your usual eloquence Potter you have yet to explain what in the hell you were just doing."

"You were having a nightmare" Harry informed the infirmary floor which, despite his silent pleas, had yet to open up and swallow him.

"I..WHAT?" Snape seemed enraged by the accusation.

Luckily, Harry was saved from answering by Madame Pomfrey coming in to check up on them.

" Severus! Well I must admit I expected you to sleep a little longer, but no matter. How do you feel?"

"I feel like I have been deprived of much needed sleep by an insipid student." 

Pomfrey sent a questioning glance to Harry who shrugged and mumbled something about a nightmare.

"Well your rest hasn't been exactly peaceful since you returned. I'm sure Mr. Potter was simply trying to make your sleep more pleasant."

If Snape had the strength he would have trembled with rage. As it was he simply ground his teeth and glared up at Pomfrey.

"I am not a child Pomfrey, and as such I do not need to be looked after by someone who cannot even manage to wipe his own mouth."

Harry's hand flew up to his mouth where, sure enough, he wiped a smear left over from his chocolate frog. If his face got any hotter, he would probably catch fire. Oh he must look like a complete idiot petting Snape's hand, smiling at nothing, with a big brown smear at the corner of his mouth.

Pomfrey looked indignant. "**I** didn't ask him to look after you Severus. He has been sitting with you of his own accord although why I can't even begin to imagine. I told him to let me put up a soundproofing spell, but he insisted on soothing you rather than ignoring you. And this is the thanks he gets. He saved your life you know. You could show a little appreciation." She finished with a huff and stalked off to her office to grab some supplies.

Harry stood frozen. He really wished Madame Pomfrey hadn't felt the need to defend him like that. He didn't want Snape to know about the previous two nights. And he knew it was a bad idea to remind Snape that famous Harry Potter had saved his life. He decided the best course of action was simply to retire to his own bed and try to concentrate on charms. The tense silence was oppressive, but there was nothing in the world that could induce Harry to break it. He valued his own life too highly. He didn't dare risk a glance at Snape. Luckily, Madame Pomfrey was gone only a few minutes before returning armed with several potions and her wand.

"Okay then. Let's see how you're mending."

They sat in silence for several hours after Pomfrey finished her examination. Snape wasn't asleep. The few quick glances Harry had thrown told him that. So what was he doing just lying there? It was unnerving. Harry sighed and closed his charms book after he realized that he hadn't turned the page in well over a half-hour. He couldn't last another two days in this tense quiet. Something had to be done.

"Professor?" he whispered it so softly that for a moment he thought maybe Snape hadn't heard. He felt relief flooding through him; it had been a stupid idea anyway.

"What is it Potter?" Snape ground out the last word as if it hurt to say it.

Harry fumbled desperately for something to say. "I was …maybe..I mean" he stopped and took a deep breath. "Iwasjustthinkingthatwecoulddosomethingtopassthetime"

"If you expect me to understand you then you'll have to speak English." Snape sounded impatient and Harry regretted his decision to speak at all, but too late now.

"It's just that there's not much to do in here. Kinda boring really. So I thought that maybe we…that is…um..could do something." Could he possibly sound like more of a twit?

"Oh yes. That would be wonderful. Maybe we could discuss quidditch, or how hard all our homework is. Maybe you'll even tell me who you have a crush on." Snape's voice was laced with mocking sarcasm.

'That last part's not bloody likely' Harry thought with a smirk. He took a deep breath and fought the urge to snap back at the man.

"No. I didn't mean we had to..to bond or anything. I just thought that you might be bored."

"Unlike you Mr. Potter, I don't need constant stimulation in order for my brain to keep functioning." His tone of voice indicated that the conversation was over.

Harry ignored it. And he ignored the delightful images that sprang to his mind upon hearing Snape use the word stimulation.

"I was thinking we could play a game of chess. Wizarding chess of course." He kept his tone light and unconcerned.

"Did you take a damaging blow to the head Potter? What makes you think that I would ever want to do such a thing?"

Harry smiled. "Cause I'm sure you'd beat me. Probably very soundly too. Thought it might help the healing process if you were allowed to humiliate me." He knew that talking to a professor this way might get him in trouble, but it was true. He watched Snape apprehensively for any sign of an impending explosion. Some curious facial contortions later, Snape sighed and murmured something Harry couldn't hear.

"What was that sir?" Harry was afraid to know.

"I said very well. Are you deaf as well as stupid?" Snape glared at him. "Well what are you gawking at? I thought you wanted to play chess. I assume you have a board with you." He snapped.

"Yes sir." Harry turned quickly to the bag full of schoolwork and things that Hermione and Ron had brought the day before. He bit his lip to erase the silly grin that was spreading over his features before turning towards Snape.

"I assume you'll want to be black sir?" Harry tried his best to simply look respectfully curious rather than mocking. It must not have worked too well though judging by the icy look Snape gave him.

"That will be fine Mr. Potter." Snape's tone promised that Harry would pay for that last remark. 

Harry only gave Snape a small, unconcerned smile and went about setting up the chessboard. After that was done, he sat down on Snape's bed as nonchalantly as possible. As he got comfortable one of his knees inadvertently brushed Snape's leg. Even through layers of blankets and clothes, the touch sent a little shock up his spine. He glanced up at Snape to try and gauge if it had a similar effect on the man. 

"I think I've had enough of your molestations for the day Potter. Perhaps you can manage to keep your knees away from me." 

Harry turned bright red, but didn't answer. He focused his attention on the chessboard and tried very hard to ignore the funny electric feeling in his stomach.

It took less than fifteen minutes for Snape to win. The rematch, that Harry had insisted on, only lasted eleven minutes. It was all worth it though Harry reflected as he put away the chessboard. Because at the end of the second game Snape had smiled. Perhaps it was more of a smirk, but nonetheless, for a brief moment Snape had looked a little less harsh, a little more human than Harry had ever seen. He had caused that, even if it was through his utter lack of strategical skill. A comfortable warmth surged through Harry as he began to slide off the bed. Snape's low voice stopped him before his foot hit the floor.

"Perhaps, for once in you life, you were correct Potter. I do feel much better." He sounded smugly triumphant and Harry knew that Snape was baiting him. He just smiled.

"Glad to be of help Professor."

Snape's lips twisted into their usual sneer, but Harry kept on smiling as he made his way back to his own bed.

Wait a minute. Harry went over the last part again. The look that Snape gave him as he walked away. He didn't look angry. He looked….disappointed. But why? Because Harry hadn't risen to the bait and said something surly to him? That didn't make any sense though..unless…unless he actually enjoyed their verbal sparring. God knows Harry did. He loved the few times he had actually been able to render Snape speechless, but he had always assumed the enjoyment had been one sided. Maybe it wasn't. Then again maybe Snape was just upset at losing an opportunity to take points off of Griffindor. Harry sighed and slapped the palm of his hand against his forehead. He was certifiable. He was going to be carted away anyday now.

" You know Potter, you shouldn't hit yourself. You'll destroy the few brain cells you have left."

Harry jumped up and swiveled in his seat. Malfoy! How long had he been here? He glared at Draco. Despite the fact that it was Dumbledore who had insisted that the only two students staying at Hogwarts share a dormitory, it still felt wrong to see Malfoy making himself at home in the Griffindor common room.

"What do you want?" Harry really wanted to be alone right now.

Draco sighed and rolled his eyes. "You're late you know. You were supposed to meet the wer….Professor Lupin ten minutes ago."

Harry checked his watch. Damn. He gathered up his things and started to leave. Something stopped him. He turned and gave Draco a suspicious look.

"Why aren't you with Snape?"

Draco shrugged "Professor Handsome's been a bit distracted lately. Didn't think he'd notice if I was a little late. Besides I wanted to make sure you didn't get trapped in Potterland, you seem to spend far too much time there as it is."

Harry didn't answer, but slammed the portrait on his way out. 'Prat' he thought as he ran down the hall. He didn't think Lupin would be mad, but he hated to keep people waiting. When he finally reached the classroom, Lupin was sitting at his desk reading. He smiled when Harry ran through the door.

"Sorry Professor." Harry wheezed out between breaths.

"It's okay Harry. Is everything alright?" Lupin sounded concerned.

Harry nodded as he fought to catch his breath.

__

"You seem to be pretty distracted lately." Lupin hesitated for a second. " Are you sure you don't need to talk about something?"

Harry considered it for a moment. On the one hand, he certainly couldn't tell Professor Lupin **exactly** what was bothering him. Then again he didn't have to use any names and maybe Lupin would have some good ideas about what he could do about it all. How in the world was he going to phrase this?

"Actually, there is something, but its sorta personal. I'm not sure if you want to hear it."

Lupin smiled gently. "I would like to help. If you don't mind telling me that is. I know that I'm your professor, but I'm also your…." He trailed off uncertainly.

Harry grinned. He couldn't believe Lupin was still embarrassed by all this. "My other godfather." He supplied helpfully.

"Yes" Lupin agreed sadly "Sort of."

Harry knew what he meant. Sirius was still on the run from the ministry so it wasn't like he and Lupin were even able to see each other more than once every few months. The thought of his godfather sent a pang of guilt through Harry. He didn't even want to think about what Sirius would say about the whole situation. 

"So" Lupin steered the conversation away from his absent mate. "What is it that's bothering you?"

Harry plopped himself in one of the soft chairs in front of the desk. He didn't even know how one went about a conversation like this. "Well Professor I don't really know where to begin."

Lupin raised his hand "Please Harry call me Remus. It's summer so technically I'm not your professor. I don't like all that formality anyway."

Harry smiled and nodded. "Okay." He took a deep breath and faltered suddenly unsure of how to go about explaining this without actually giving Remus any real information.

"It's sort of a relationship problem."

Remus smiled broadly "I didn't know you were seeing anyone Harry. So who.."

Harry cut him off. "I'm not seeing anyone. There's just this..person that I like, but I'm not sure if they like me but I **_think_** they do. I'm just not certain." Harry shook his head in frustration. This was not coming out well. "Do you know what I'm talking about?"

Remus nodded and chuckled to himself. "Yes I know exactly what you mean. So what makes you unsure about this person's feelings?"

"Well.." Here was the hard part. How to explain he and Snape's odd little behavior without making it plainly obvious he was talking about Snape. "The thing is...is this person and I really disliked each other for a long time, and well they're still pretty snarky to me most of the time. But…" But what? Snape was rude as ever and really gave him no signs of returning any of his feelings. Harry sighed, saying all of this out loud really made him see how ridiculous it all was.

" But what? Has the person given you a reason to think they might like you back?" Remus' tone was gentle but pressing.

Harry considered this. Well Snape had smiled at him sort of. Then there were those conversations in the hospital wing. Okay, so mainly they consisted of school topics, but they had talked civilly to each other at least, sometimes for several hours at a time. Then after he was released and had come back to visit the potions master, Snape had looked somewhat pleased to see him. Well pleased in a Snapeish sort of way. But on the other hand there was the kiss. Harry's face heated up at the memory. What had he been thinking? He had forced himself not to think about it the past few months, but now the memories came rushing back. The surprising softness of Snape's lips. The way his mouth had opened and the little jolts of pleasure that had sped through Harry as their tongues circled each other. Then Snape had grabbed him pulling him closer for a brief moment before throwing him to the floor and telling him to get out. Harry had been so humiliated. Why in the world had he thought Snape would want.….wait….Harry blinked abruptly and went back through the memory. There! Yes there it was. Harry had been so embarrassed when Snape had thrown him down and yelled at him that he had forced himself not to think about that night at all. But there it was. The thing Harry had been combing his memory for. Snape had kissed him back! He had pulled him closer. Snape wanted him! Harry couldn't help it and he let out a triumphant little laugh.

"He kissed me back." He laughed again.

Remus was looking at him curiously. "He?"

"Oh" Harry had forgotten about the pronoun game he had been playing. His joy was momentarily deflated. "That's okay isn't it?"

"Of course it is." He said giving Harry a 'don't be stupid' sort of look. "Well it seems you feel better?" Harry nodded. "Good then lets start the lesson, shall we?"

The lesson went quickly. It was interesting, but even if it hadn't been, Harry was too happy to care. He hummed to himself as he packed up his bag to leave. 

"Bye Professor. Have a good afternoon."

"You too." Harry started out the door. "Oh and Harry…" Professor Lupin was smiling at him fondly. "Give Draco some time, he's been through a lot. He'll come around."

Harry did his best to force a smile. "Of course. Thank you." He turned and made his way back to the dorms wondering all the while why nothing in his life could ever be normal.

*******ok ok so I know the kiss came out of nowhere, but don't you fret all will be explained in chapter three. Oh and thanks if you've actually read this whole thing. : )


	3. A place for you

**Authors notes: **Hey all. I wrote this chapter today, but decided to post it in its raw form since it's been awhile since my last posting. So any mistakes will be fixed eventually. Anyhoo thanks to all who reviewed my last chapter. You guys are so great. And special thanks to foxee_t? who emailed me and whose email I accidentally deleted. It was the nicest thing I've ever read. And I would have written back were I not a cyber idiot. Oh one last note. To answer Brianluvsmikey's question: Yes the title of the fic is a Jump, Little Children song. All my chapter titles are also song titles by various artists. Ten points if you can name the artists. Thanks everyone.

Harry's good mood remained firmly in place when he opened the portrait to find the Griffindor common room blessedly empty. He breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing he wanted to deal with was Malfoy. Dumbledore had asked Harry to do his best to befriend the Slytherin. "Show him the world outside of all the rubbish his father's taught him his whole life." That's what he'd asked of Harry and the remaining staff. Apparently the headmaster was convinced that since Draco was out of his father's reach ~Dumbledore had given him a choice: Stay at Hogwarts or be turned over to the ministry~ he could be convinced to see the error of his ways. Personally, Harry thought the headmaster was being overly optimistic, but he kept that thought to himself. As for actually being friendly with Draco, well, Harry considered the fact that he had managed not to hurt the Slytherin bastard a miracle of self-control and the best anyone could expect of him. Harry was jerked from his reverie by a sharp thwap to the back of his head.

" Hey! What the.." Harry looked around for his attacker only to see a small owl hopping up and down wildly on the arm of the sofa. Harry smiled broadly. He loved getting letters from Ron even if they had to be delivered by the most annoying owl alive.

" Hi pig." The owl hooted shrilly in reply. "You have a letter for me?" Pig jumped up and down several times then stuck out its leg where a piece of parchment, far too large for the small bird, was tied. Harry took the parchment and gave the minute owl a soft pat.

"Thanks Pig. I don't have any food so you'll have to go the owlery okay?" The owl hooted happily and zoomed out of the window. Harry watched it go with a bemused smile on his face. 'Poor Hedwig.' He thought of his own owl's less than enthusiastic reaction to the hyperactive little bird and gave a small laugh. He shook his head and deposited himself on the couch to read the letter.

Hey Harry,

How's everything at Hogwarts? Are the defense lessons still interesting? Tell professor Lupin I said Hello. Have you heard from Snuffles lately? Is everything okay with him? Things here are quiet which is so weird. I didn't realize how much noise Fred and George made until they moved out. Mum cried so much when they left. I thought she would be relieved, but she just bawled and bawled like they were moving to another planet. Then Ginny ate one of their trick candies that they had slipped into the regular candy jar. Her hair turned bright blue and mum started yelling at them which is better than her crying I suppose. Have you heard from Hermione? She's already done with all her homework! I haven't even started on half of it. I really wish you could come and visit at the end of the summer. Are you sure that Dumbledore won't change his mind? You should ask him again. Anyway, that's all. Write back.

Ron

Harry re-read the end of the letter with a pang of guilt. Mrs. Weasley had invited Harry to stay at the Burrow at the end of the summer. He had agreed happily of course, but after some thought and several nightmares had decided that he didn't want to put the Weasley's in any danger. Dumbledore had agreed with Harry's decision, and to make it a little easier had informed Mrs. Weasley it was his decision that Harry should stay at Hogwarts for the entire summer. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had protested, but Dumbledore had said his decision was firm. Harry had been grateful. He was afraid that Ron would see the decision not to visit as some sort of rejection, but when it came to Dumbledore, Ron didn't question the headmaster's wisdom. Harry shrugged off the guilt of his deception. It was all for the best anyway. He reached for his bag to grab some parchment and a quill so he could begin a reply when the portrait swung open revealing a very put out Draco. Harry glanced at his watch. Draco's potion's lesson should have ended forty five minutes ago. He guessed Snape wasn't as distracted as Draco thought.

"Kept you after for being late?" Harry tried his best not to sound as maliciously smug as he felt.

"Stuff it Potter." Draco hissed. He threw himself into a chair and glared at Harry. He smirked when his eyes fell on the letter from Ron. " Got another letter from your boyfriend?"

Harry was about to say something scathing about how at least people actually bothered to write him, but a pang of something resembling sympathy made him hold his tongue. He hadn't thought about it before, but, as far as Harry knew, Draco had not received one letter since the beginning of the summer. He knew that the Malfoys, at least Lucious Malfoy, had not taken any steps to get Draco returned to them, but it seemed that Draco's friends had also easily forgotten him. It wasn't all that surprising seeing that most of Draco's former friends were children of loyal deatheaters, and the slytherins that didn't side with Voldemort probably didn't want any sort of association with Draco after everything that had happened. It was all his own fault though and Harry would be damned if he would feel sorry for the boy. Suddenly Harry's thoughts turned to Snape. He had become a deatheater as a teenager. He had probably done horrible things that Harry didn't want to think about, but he had come back to the good side and done more than most witches and wizards in the fight against Voldemort. Still though most people didn't trust him and never would. Harry looked at Draco's hard, mocking expression and was reminded of Snape's habitual scowl. Maybe he was being just as blind as all those wizards who still treated Snape like he was untrustworthy. A sudden rumbling from his stomach reminded Harry that it was time for dinner. Dinner! Snape would be at dinner. His heart sped up at the thought. Harry smiled. This was all so weird, but he wasn't going to focus on it. After all he was sure there had been stranger pairings before. So what if he liked Snape? He wasn't going to focus on the possible problems until he was sure of Snape's feelings anyway. He hopped up from the couch discarding the blank parchment. He would write to Ron later. He looked at Draco uncertainly for a second before making up his mind to try his best to follow Dumbledore's wishes.

"I'm going to dinner." Harry stated. Draco just looked at him with an expression that clearly said 'so what'. Harry gritted his teeth and looked away from Draco. He could do this. "And I thought you might be hungry. So if you were we could go."

Draco looked mildly disgusted. "Sorry if you and the weasel are having trouble, but I don't need a date. Or have you just forgotten the way to the great hall?"

Harry didn't respond, but only rolled his eyes and walked out. Yeah, Draco could be a better person and then maybe he and Voldemort could open a petting zoo together. Dumbledore should have handed him off to the ministry. Azkaban would take that annoying little smirk off his face. Harry stopped dead in his tracks. Had he really just thought that? No wonder the sorting hat had wanted to put him in Slytherin. He really could be a vicious bastard sometimes. Draco didn't deserve that place. Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes. He would try again with Draco. Not tonight, but soon. He wasn't going to rise to Draco's bait anymore. He would do his best. Harry was determined to give Draco the same chance to be trusted that Dumbledore had given Snape. Snape. Severus Snape. Harry grinned as he whispered the name aloud. Why did he find that name so sexy? Maybe it was all those wonderful hissy S's. Harry laughed at himself and hurried down to the great hall. After all, he didn't want to waste his time brooding when he could be happily sitting under the weight of that black gaze.

Right before he reached the great hall, he ran a hand through his hair and straitened his robe. God he was getting pathetic, but he didn't really care. After he was sure that he wasn't looking a mess, he slipped through the doors and turned a bright smile to..to..to an empty seat! Where was he? Harry glanced at his watch. Dinner had only started eight minutes ago. That wasn't enough time for Snape to have already eaten, and he was never late. Deflated, Harry made his way to the table and sat in his usual seat.

During the meal, Harry did his best to pay attention to the conversation and not glance continuously at the doorway. He failed spectacularly on both counts. Remus didn't seem to be offended by Harry's lack of attention though. He just smiled knowingly whenever Harry's gaze strayed to the doors of the great hall. At last Harry saw someone approach the doorway, a flash of black robes, it had to be him. Harry tried not to groan in disappointment when he caught the glint of blonde hair and blue eyes in the candlelight. He turned his attention back to Remus who grinned at him slyly and gave a little wink. Oh god. This night was just getting better and better. Harry hurriedly finished his dinner. Excusing himself, he got up and hurried off in the direction of the kitchens. He had a plan.

As soon as he stepped through the portrait he was attacked by a very enthusiastic Dobby.

"Harry Potter! Harry Potter has come to visit." The elf squealed as he squeezed all the breath out of Harry's lungs.

"Hey Dobby." Harry managed to wheeze out. The elf finally let go and Harry gave him a warm smile. "How have you been?"

Dobby got the same look of overwhelming awe he always did when Harry inquired about his well being. "Ohhh Harry Potter is too kind. Dobby is so happy here."

"That's good." Harry said sincerely. " I have a question for you." Dobby looked all too happy to be of service. "Have any of you brought Professor Snape his dinner yet?"

Dobby shook his head. " No. Professors Snape not been asking for food so we is not disturbing him."

Harry grinned. "Well would you mind making up a tray for me then. I'm going to bring him some dinner." Dobby looked a bit dubious. "Ummm Professor Dumbledore wants to make sure he eats." He hated using the headmaster's name to lie, but he knew it would get the elves moving.

And he was right. In a matter of a few minutes, he had a tray laden with all sorts of delicious food. He thanked the elves profusely and made his way down to the dungeons careful not to upset anything on the tray. 

He stopped at the potion's classroom and knocked several times. He got no response. He really hoped that Snape was in his office because he had no idea where the man's private chambers were. Stopping in front of his office door, Harry knocked softly at first, then, when he got no response, a little more loudly. 'Please, please please be in there.' Harry thought desperately.

Finally he heard a voice, low and annoyed. "Come in. What is it?"

Harry pushed open the door and entered softly. Snape was sitting at his desk bent over some parchment writing. He didn't look up when Harry came in which was a good thing because it gave Harry a chance to stare openly at his potion's master. Firelight played wonderfully on the sharp angles of his face and made his skin look luminous rather than sallow. His heavy black hair had been pushed behind his ears but a few stray locks had escaped and clung to one cheek. Harry felt a knot of want twist deep inside him. He wanted to throw the tray to the floor and climb into Snape's lap. He wanted to wrap his arms around the man and kiss him until they were both breathless. However, at this point in time he didn't think Snape would react well to any of that. So he would have to settle with simply walking closer to the man's desk. Finally Snape looked up. He looked surprised for a moment before his features settled back into the slightly annoyed look he always wore.

He turned his attention back to his desk. "What do you want Mr. Potter?"

Harry settled the tray on Snape's desk and tried to sound nonchalant. " You weren't at dinner so I thought I would bring you something to eat."

Snape's looked up at the tray then at Harry who offered him a shy smile. He looked mildly confused. Then he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. " I am capable of seeing to my own basic needs thank you."

Harry wasn't going to be put off though nor would he be intimidated. " I know. I just thought I would save you the trouble. I put a warming charm on the food so you can eat whenever you want."

Snape's brows knit in confusion as he gazed at Harry's open and pleased expression. Gradually something warmed behind those dark eyes and the thin lips softened into something almost like a smile. Harry felt a rush of recognition. He had seen this expression on the potion's master's face once before.

_ Harry didn't know what possessed him to do this. Okay so maybe he knew exactly what is was, but he chose not to think about it as he retrieved his invisibility cloak and chessboard. This was the third night in a row he was going to visit Snape in the hospital wing, but this was certainly the latest he had ever gone. It was nearly one in the morning. He wasn't even sure if Snape would be awake, but had an odd feeling the potion's master wasn't sleeping much and would still be up. All night Harry and resisted his unreasonable need to see Snape, but after retiring for the night he found he couldn't keep his thoughts away from the man in the infirmary. So here he was creeping out of Griffindor tower, way past curfew, to visit his hateful teacher. Making his way silently through the halls, he tried to convince himself that he was doing this for Snape. After all the man had seemed pleased at his last two visits. They had talked about when Snape would be released from Madame Pomfrey's care, and how Harry was catching up with his missed work. Snape had even seemed somewhat touched when Harry had brought him a copy of the Daily Prophet. Yes this was all for Snape's benefit because Harry felt sorry for how badly he had been hurt. It didn't matter how much he repeated all this to himself. He knew the truth. He was on his way to the hospital wing because he missed Snape and desperately wanted to see him. _

When he reached the infirmary door, he had a last battle with himself and almost turned back towards his dorm. However his spirit wasn't willing and his flesh was definitely weak so he opened the infirmary door and made his way towards the back where Snape's bed was. Snape was awake; his eyes turned towards the empty bed next to him that Harry had occupied during his stay in the hospital wing. His expression, for once unguarded, looked sad and tired. A floorboard creaked under Harry's weight and Snape's head snapped around to look in the direction of the sound. Harry decided it was time to speak.

"Hello" he whispered as he removed his cloak. He smiled tentatively at Snape. "I thought you might still be awake." He held his breath, waiting for Snape to yell and take points for being out of his dorm this late.

Snape only looked confused though. Then gradually something like happiness worked its way into his features. He even almost smiled. Could he be pleased that Harry was here? Harry hoped so. The sharp features resumed their usual cold mask but something of the previous happiness lingered in the eyes.

"It is awfully late Mr. Potter." Snape didn't sound threatening only somewhat disapproving and slightly amused.

Harry sighed in relief. Snape wasn't going to throw him out. He gave him a cheeky grin. "I know, but like I said I thought you might be awake and so was I. I thought you might be up for a game of chess." He said hopefully as he held up the board.

Snape shook his head in disbelief. "If you must be utterly humiliated yet again then I suppose I will not refuse."

Harry pretended to be offended. "Maybe I'll win this time." He burst into laughter at the look this garnered from Snape. "Well maybe it'll take you more than ten minutes to beat me."

"I highly doubt that." Snape said as he sat up in bed.

Harry shrugged. "Don't be so sure." He went to set up the pieces determined to wipe that smug look off of his professor's face.

"Checkmate" Snape sounded extremely please with himself.

Harry groaned as he looked at his watch. Seven minutes. It had only taken seven bloody minutes for the man to beat him. This was getting old. He snatched up the pieces roughly.

"Aren't you a little bit old to be pouting Mr. Potter?" Snape looked supremely amused.

Harry felt a little embarrassed, but he was still put out. "Yeah well knowing intelligence isn't your strong point and having it proven to you are two different things." He tried to sound light, but he did feel bad. He couldn't see Snape going for anyone that was less than highly intelligent.

Snape looked at him consideringly. "Yes. However, intelligence and a gift for strategy are also two very different things."

It took Harry a moment to realize that Snape had paid him an indirect compliment. It was odd. He was worshipped by much of wizard society, but one half compliment from this man made him blush deeply. He packed up more of the pieces and realized that he seemed to be short of white ones. Oh of course. Most were sitting on Snape's bedside table where he had deposited a considerable number of them. Snape's eyes followed Harry's gaze to the pieces. Harry reached across Snape at the same moment Snape reached his own hand towards the table. Their hands met on a broken pawn. Harry turned his head to tell Snape that he would get them only to find that their faces were mere inches apart. He could feel the man's breath on his face, could feel the warmth radiating from him. Snape's eyes were wide and he seemed to be trying to say something, but nothing came out of his mouth.

"I.." Harry began, but never got the thought out. Because all of a sudden the distance between them was gone and Harry was kissing the man who had haunted his dreams for far too long.

Snape started and tried to pull back but there was no where to go. His hands came up as if to push Harry off but they betrayed him and grabbed a thin shoulder and threaded through dark, ruffled hair instead. All the while Harry moved his lips against the one's beneath his. Soft gentle pecks. A small lick to Snape's lower lip before taking it between his teeth and giving a gentle pull. He was beyond thought, beyond reason. He wasn't shocked when Snape's mouth opened for him. He wasn't surprised to feel that soft tongue stroke and circle his own. This was right. This was beautiful. He leaned into Snape, deepening the kiss and pressing their chests together. He was dizzy. He needed to breathe. He broke off the kiss and took a deep breath. Before he could open his eyes, he found himself on the floor. He was lucky the hospital beds were low to the ground or else it would have hurt a lot more. As it was he was only confused. He looked up at Snape who was staring resolutely at the sheets on his bed.

"Get out." The voice was cold, utterly emotionless.

Harry stood up quickly. NO. He would not allow this. They would talk about this. It was too wonderful to let go. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I SAID GET OUT." Snape sounded furious and Harry too confused and hurt to say anything grabbed his cloak and ran out of the hospital wing.

Harry smiled to himself. He had spent two months forcing himself not to think about that night because he had been convinced that Snape had been disgusted by the kiss. He had been so ashamed, but now looking at the potion's master's face, he felt vindicated. This feeling went both ways. At least to a certain degree. Harry was determined to break down Snape's barriers and find out to what degree exactly. That kiss had gone beyond anything Harry had ever experienced and he wasn't going to simply forget about it. And if Snape thought that returning to his usual snarky self would make Harry forget then he was in for a rude awakening. Harry didn't mind the insults or the temper. At least the man wasn't dull as dirt. He wasn't going to be put off by anything Snape had to throw at him.

Harry had been silent for some time and Snape was growing steadily impatient. "Is there something you wanted Potter?"

Harry smiled. " Just wanted to make sure you ate. I'll see you around Professor." Harry turned to leave. Snape's voice stopped him.

"Potter" He paused and looked uncharacteristically flustered. "Our lessons begin on Monday."

"Yes." Harry knew that. Maybe Snape did think he was stupid.

"Well if you wanted to be better prepared then read chapter twelve." He didn't look at Harry as he spoke.

"Thanks sir. I will" Harry made another attempt to leave.

"Potter" Snape sounded even more flustered now. He finally looked up though and locked gazes with Harry who felt his heart rate suddenly skyrocket. Snape took a deep breath. "Thank you. For bringing me dinner that is."

"No problem sir. You're welcome." He made his way out of the office and blindly wandered down the hall. Snape had **thanked** him. This was love.  



	4. Rarely Spoken

A/N: Wow, I know this took a long time. Sorry folks. Next time I write a story I'll make sure to actually plan it out ahead of time. Once again, this chapter is in ultra raw form so it might get toyed with a little and any mistakes that are pointed out to me will get fixed. Thanks. Oh and as always R/R!

The rest of the week passed all too slowly, but, at last, the weekend arrived. Harry did his best not to count the hours before his first potion's lesson with Snape- he was currently forty-nine hours and thirty-one minutes away from getting the man alone -and to find something productive to do. So he sent a letter to Ron. It was filled with pleasantries about life at Hogwarts and false disbelief about Hermione's already finished schoolwork. After having known Hermione for six years, Harry wasn't shocked in the least that she was finished and he knew Ron wasn't either. The boy just needed an excuse to talk about her. Harry really wished Ron would just admit he liked the damn girl already. 

All in all Harry was immensely dissatisfied with his letter. It felt like it could have been written by anyone. There was not one piece of real or pertinent information about Harry's life at the moment, although he didn't know what he could have written. _Hey mate, Still being hunted by the Dark Lord, by the way d'you think Snape might wanna shag me? Cause boy do I want him to. Cheers, Harry._ No, that wouldn't do at all. Although there was a part of him that wanted to send a letter like that if he could only see Ron's reaction upon reading it.

After the letter, Harry decided to tend to his long neglected homework. He finished his transfiguration essay, which ended up being complete crap, but Hermione would help him revise it before the first day of class. Next was divination, where he predicted that the year ahead would be filled with terrible pain and probable death. He wondered idly if Trelawney ever tired of students inventing new ways to off themselves. So he was finally done with all his homework…..at nine o'clock Friday night. Harry sighed. This was going to be the longest weekend of his life.

It wasn't nearly as bad as he had feared. Saturday and Sunday did go by a bit slowly, but they weren't nearly as unbearable as Harry had feared they would be. He just made sure that he was busy every single second of the day. He revised all his homework. He swam in the lake, helped Hagrid tend to some of the animals, practiced some new, dangerous flying maneuvers, and made sure to indulge in all sorts of delicious Snape-centric fantasies as often as his aching right hand would allow. No matter what he was doing though, he always made sure he was on time for all meals. He had been a little disappointed that Snape hadn't missed another meal and given Harry the opportunity to bring him dinner and catch the man alone. 

But it was all for the best Harry reflected Sunday night at dinner as he once again enjoyed the scrutiny of the potion's master. Harry watched Snape out of the corner of his eye. He had made a game of counting every time the man's eyes had come to rest on him. 'Twenty seven' Harry smiled to himself. At this rate Snape was going to beat Saturday night's record of thirty-two, not that Harry was complaining. He got a little chill each time those obsidian eyes flicked his way. Harry glanced down at his watch. 'Only fourteen hours and twenty-six minutes to go' Harry thought to himself as a fresh surge of nerves made his stomach clench tightly. He just hoped he would have the nerve to do what he planned to do. 'Twenty eight' Snape returned his attention to his plate for a brief moment. 'Twenty nine' Harry smiled broadly at his pot roast. He couldn't believe no one else had noticed Snape's odd mealtime focus. But then again, Harry mused, even if they did it's not as if anyone in their right mind would guess the truth. At least what Harry desperately hoped was the truth. If they did notice, they probably chalked it up to Harry and Snape's infamous dislike of each other. Harry knew better.

Feeling rather smug and daring, Harry decided to beat the potion's master at his own bizarre little game. He waited patiently for the inevitable flick of those black eyes. When Snape turned his gaze towards Harry once again, he quickly swiveled his head and captured the man's gaze in his own. Then Harry smiled. And gave Snape an almost imperceptible wink. His heart pounded in his chest with the fear of Snape's reaction. But Snape looked like a deer caught in headlights. He blinked several times rapidly then quickly averted his head and didn't look at Harry the rest of the meal. That was alright though, it was worth the novelty of seeing the soft pink tinge creep over the potion's master's usually sallow face. Harry felt triumphant.

The next morning Harry woke early, took a long shower, and proceeded to primp himself in a most disgraceful manner. He felt like an idiot as he stood in front of the mirror attempting to make his hair seem tousled rather than the "I've just stuck my tongue in a socket" look that it normally had. He wasn't having much luck and, if he wasn't very much mistaken, his hair actually looked messier than ever. He was prepared to grab his razor and simply rid himself of the annoying mop on his head when he remembered that this was Snape he was trying to improve his appearance for. Snape. The greasy haired, hook nosed man who probably hadn't seen the sun in decades. Harry smiled at his own reflection. At least he washed his hair. He tapped his head with his wand, ridding it of all the gunk he had put on to make it behave. Shaking his head from side to side, he was happy to see his hair back to normal. He wasn't a vision, but he wasn't too shabby either. And anyway, he didn't see Snape being someone who put a lot of emphasis on looks….obviously. He went downstairs and grabbed his potion's book. As he stepped through the portrait, he took a deep breath to steel his nerves. Time for step one. 

Madame Pomfrey had been most helpful. Although she had been confused by Harry's enthusiastic reaction to her answer. He didn't let the odd look she gave him interfere with his mood in any way. It was a very elated Harry who knocked on the potion's classroom door ten minutes early.

"Come in." Snape's voice held a question in it that was answered when Harry walked through the door. He raised one elegant eyebrow. "I believe this may be the first time you have ever arrived early for a class, Mr. Potter." Harry just shrugged non-committally and resisted the need to close his eyes and let that deep, creamy voice wash over him. "In the future" Snape's gaze never left Harry's face "you needn't knock when coming for a lesson. Although at any other time I expect you to knock before disturbing me." The last was said in a threatening tone.

Harry decided however to interpret the last statement as a tacit invitation to come down to the dungeons some time other than lessons. Well, maybe not an invitation. Maybe it was just annoyed resignation, but Harry would take what he could. He smiled at his would be intimidating professor in what he hoped was a relaxed, unconcerned way. "Of course, sir." There was a heavy moment of silence while he and Snape simply looked at one another. Snape turned away first.

"Well don't simply stand there. We do have a lesson today." He snapped as he turned towards his desk.

Harry made his way into the potion's classroom. He wanted Snape to speak again. "So what are we making today, professor?"

" A very complicated potion called nervisi morto." Snape sounded impatient.

Harry raised his eyebrows dubiously. If Snape thought the potion was complicated, then he wasn't sure how he was going to be expected to make it.

Snape saw the look on Harry's face and rolled his eyes, exasperated. "You are not a complete idiot, so I'm fairly certain that with one-on-one instruction you won't be able to botch it too badly."

Harry nodded and smiled briefly before getting his features under control. So, Snape didn't think he was an idiot. One point to Griffindor. He went and set his things down by the cauldron Snape had set up. Time for another attempt at conversation. "So what does the potion do?"

Snape had begun pulling ingredients off the shelves and didn't turn around when he spoke. "It is a pain killing potion." He said shortly.

"Painkilling?" Harry was confused. "A healing potion, but I.." Weren't all the lessons this summer supposed to be of use in his inevitable battles with Voldermort?

Snape approached the worktable and set the ingredients down with a frustrated sigh. When Harry looked up, Snape was gazing down at him with the patented 'how-did-you-live-so-long-being-so-stupid' expression. Harry wondered how in the world a look like that could make his stomach dance.

"Nervisi morto" he said slowly as if speaking to a particularly slow person "is a painkilling potion in that it deadens the nerves. If taken before a duel or a battle, it prevents the wizard from feeling any pain from curses or other injuries that are inflicted."

Harry interrupted "Even from.."

Snape waved his hand for Harry to be silent. "Yes even the cruciatus curse is completely ineffective against a wizard who has taken a dose." Snape finished with a curious glint in his eyes. If Harry didn't know better, he would have called it excitement. Snape never seemed very passionate in class, but Harry couldn't blame him. Shrinking solutions and such weren't nearly as exciting as the possible applications of this potion. 

Harry smiled. "That sounds" He decided to try the truth. "really interesting." He hesitated a moment before asking. "How does it work?"

Snape blinked in surprise, eyebrows knit in confusion. "Pardon?" He said after a moment.

Now it was Harry's turn to look confused. He hadn't spoken softly. Surely Snape had heard him. "I wanted to know how it works…sir?" He added as an afterthought.

Snape's eyes narrowed. "Why?" He asked, voice laced with suspicion.

God, the man was paranoid. You'd think he would be happy to have another person interested in the subject he had dedicated his life to. " I just thought it sounded interesting, and I…I wanted to know." Harry shrugged and tried to keep the defensiveness out of his voice. He wanted to sound sincere. It was the truth after all.

Snape failed to look convinced. "It uses poppy seed extract coupled with valerian to deaden sensation." His eyes were still narrowed menacingly at Harry.

Harry thought about what Snape had said. "But those are both main ingredients in sleeping draughts, so how would you be able to stay awake?" He looked up at Snape for an explanation.

Snape didn't say anything for a long moment, only gazed at Harry appraisingly. He looked as if he were working out a complex puzzle. Harry continued to gaze up at him curiously hoping that Snape didn't notice the flaming blush on his face. Gradually Snape's eyes relaxed and then the thin lips quirked up for a second. Harry felt his heart quicken at the sight. An entirely different area of his body was affected when Snape slowly licked his lips before speaking.   
" Well" he began almost hesitantly "if you are truly curious." He dropped off and Harry nodded eagerly. "It has to do with the reaction of the main ingredients to each other and the heat of….."

An hour later, they were still discussing the interactions of potion ingredients. Harry, much to his surprise, found it all very interesting. Snape's enthusiasm for his subject was boundless and, Harry found, contagious. He asked a lot of questions all of which Snape answered without insulting his intelligence even once. 

Snape was midsentence in his diatribe on the overuse of wormwood when he glanced down at his pocket watch. He started for a moment then sighed. "I'm afraid this discussion has gone on far too long. We won't have enough time to make the potion." He stood and began collecting the unused ingredients. "You may go back to your dorm, but be prepared to make it tomorrow." His voice had lost all traces of the previous enthusiasm and was back to cold teacher mode.

"But" Harry burst out. But what? He didn't know. All he did know was that he wanted some more time with Snape.

Snape paused in his task and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Umm. That is. " Oh come on. Out with it Potter. You sound like a twit again. "I'd like to make it today." He paused trying to read Snape's closed expression. "I don't mind staying late. That is...ummm..if you don't mind, professor." He tried not to sound as if he were begging.

Snape set the ingredients back down and took a moment to study Harry's face. Oh god, Harry wished he could read minds or that Snape's expression gave even a hint as to what the man was thinking. He found himself reddening under Snape's scrutiny. If having the man's eyes on him made him this excited, his heart was pounding and he found it difficult to breathe, then he could barely imagine how he would feel under those graceful hands. Oh shit, wrong thought. His face, if possible, got even redder, and all the blood not rushing to his head was pooling lower in his body, making his trousers quite uncomfortable. He resisted the urge to squirm.

At last Snape spoke. "I believe" he said very softly "that I can take time away from my busy social calendar, if you wish to stay."

Harry's mouth dropped open. Was that a joke? Was it safe to laugh? Harry decided to give it a try and let loose an amused snort. Snape's mouth pursed, but it looked as if he was resisting the urge to laugh himself. It gave Harry courage.

"Well I wouldn't want to keep you from all you prior engagements." Harry said with a wry twist of his mouth.

Snape's face fell. Uh oh. He glared daggers at Harry whose stomach suddenly clenched in fear. Then something extraordinary happened. Snape laughed. A short little hmmph, but a laugh nonetheless. Harry grinned outright. Two points to Griffindor.

Snape pulled a piece of parchment from his robes and set it in front of Harry. Ah, the recipe. Harry read the first step and reached out blindly for the valerian. Instead of a glass jar, his hand came into contact with warm fingers. His head snapped up. This seemed very familiar. Snape ripped his hand away causing the jar to teeter back and forth precariously until Harry steadied it. He looked back to his professor for a reaction.

Snape was staring resolutely at the wall. "Well?" He snapped. "Get on with it. I said I'd stay late, not all day."

Harry didn't need to be told twice.

An hour and a half later, the potion was simmering nicely. Harry glanced at his watch. Three more minutes and it would be done. He sighed, but whether it was in relief or disappointment, he didn't really know.

Making the potion had been a brutal test of self-control. If Harry didn't know better, he might even say that Snape was doing it on purpose. Standing so close he could feel the other man's robes brush against him. The hot breath on his ear, his neck, causing him to shiver as that deliciously deep voice purred unending criticism of Harry's technique directly into his ear. It had made his knees tremble and the thin thread of his sanity nearly snap. All he wanted was to take a step back. Just one tiny little step. To mould his body against the one behind him, to rub against that tall, lean form, to grab Snape's hands and pull them around himself, to…..Shit! Harry waved his wand and quickly put out the flame under the cauldron right before it boiled over. He peered cautiously at the potion. It still looked good. He hazarded a glance at Snape who was sitting at his desk smirking.

"You know, Mr. Potter, in order to make a potion, one must be fully present in reality." He drawled.

"Yes, sir." Harry agreed readily which, to his satisfaction, seemed to shock Snape from any further comments.

Inwardly, Harry was laughing. 'Sorry sir, but I was caught up in an extremely erotic fantasy about you. Tell me, are you as good with your hands as I imagine you are?' Oh how Harry wished he could say that. He could imagine the dumb look of horror on Snape's face if he came out with something like that. Harry gave an involuntary snort of laughter at the image.

"Something funny, Mr. Potter?" Snape was looking at him as if he'd lost his mind.

Harry bit his trembling lips. "No, sir." He managed. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes to get control of himself. How could someone so dour make him feel this giddy? He started when he opened his eyes and found Snape standing beside him bent over the cauldron. Did the man make any noise at all when he moved?

Snape didn't seem to notice Harry's reaction. He was too busy studying the contents of the cauldron critically. At length he straightened up and Harry was suddenly aware of the lack of distance between them. Snape was close enough to touch, to put his arms around. To kiss. He suddenly found breathing difficult. His heart was pounding painfully against his ribs and his mouth had gone completely dry. He was dizzy and fairly sure that his legs would give out soon as he could no longer feel them. Oddly enough, none of these sensations were in the least bit unpleasant. He noticed a few strands of hair had fallen in Snape's face and he had to clench his fists to keep from tucking them back.

A long, silent moment passed, and suddenly Harry realized that Snape had neither moved nor spoken, but was gazing steadily at him. Lips barely parted, eyebrows drawn together, he looked confused and considering. Harry felt something in the pit of his stomach jolt and tickle. Snape's eyes seemed to stare straight through him, and Harry found himself staring into those dark orbs completely transfixed. He had to do something, say something. He couldn't last another moment in that crackling tension.

"Sir?" It came out as a tense, thready whisper.

Snape shook his head and stepped away from Harry. He took a ragged breath and walked towards his desk.

"Your potion turned out fine." His voice was shaky. "You may go now." He motioned towards the door without turning around.

Harry just stood there, completely incapable of movement. Oh my god. Oh my god. Repeating the phrase over and over seemed to be the only thing his mind was capable of doing. After he had remembered the kiss, he had believed, he had hoped that Snape reciprocated some of his feelings. But…now. To see the man so affected. It had to be because of him, didn't it? Harry didn't know what to do, but he knew he couldn't leave. He had to think of something. Of course! He had come down here with an elaborate plan. But this wasn't the way he had planned it at all. Everything was so tense; Snape wasn't even looking at him. He couldn't think of anything else though, and if he didn't find something to say soon, he would have to leave. He took a shaky step forward.

"P..Pro..Professor?" He whispered desperately. Snape didn't turn around. He didn't acknowledge Harry in any way. Another step towards the man. "Sir?"

Slowly Snape turned around. His face looked pale and angry, nothing unusual there, except he wouldn't look at Harry. "What is it, Potter?" He barked at the floor.

This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. This wasn't good at all. Harry's common sense told him to turn around and walk out, but he had, over the years, become quite adept at ignoring his common sense entirely. He did so now.

" I believe" He began and wondered how in the world his voice was managing to sound so collected at a time like this. " I believe that you have my chess board, Professor."

Snape did look at Harry then. His head shot up quickly and his face became even paler as he stared at his student with something like panic. His voice came out raspy and quick. "What in the world would make you believe that?" He stopped abruptly and took a deep breath. Eyes narrowed, he delivered the rest in his trademark scathing tone. "I assure you, Mr. Potter, that I am not in the habit of collecting celebrity memorabilia." His lip curled disdainfully. "Perhaps you should go ask a member of your fan club if they have it. If there is nothing further, I believe I dismissed you for the day."

Harry shook his head obstinately. "No!" He said a little more forcefully than he intended. Too afraid to look Snape in the eye and see one of those terrifying glares, he addressed his next words to Snape's boots. "I…I…went to Madame P…Pomfrey today." He found it hard to complete a sentence now that his heart had taken up residence in his throat. Summoning up all his reserves of Griffindor courage, he continued. "I saw her and she said the board wasn't there when…right after you left." Snape had been released the morning after the kiss. "There was no one else in the hospital wing. So unless…" unless someone else visited Snape between the hours of one and seven in the morning which was not likely considering Snape's popularity among staff and students alike. "So you must have kept it." Please. Please. Please have kept it. Harry begged silently. He curled his hands into fists to hide their trembling and lifted his head.

Snape looked as if had just been punched in the stomach and for an awful moment, Harry thought the man was going to be sick. At length, he seemed to collect himself and made his way around his desk. Sitting on the edge of the chair he reached down and muttered some unintelligible phrase to open the bottom drawer. Then Harry glimpsed it. His chess board. Snape's hands trembled as he lifted it out and set it on the desk. He pushed it towards Harry who simply stared at it dumbly for a moment before reaching out an unsteady hand to pick it up. He looked up at Snape in amazement hoping to find some answers in his face. Snape looked afraid.

"Pot…Harry" He had a pleading tone Harry had never heard before. "You must realize that if anyone were to find out about the…the events in the infirmary, I would lose my position at Hogwarts."

At first, Harry was too busy lost in the pleasure it gave him to hear Snape use his first name to work through what Snape had said after that. When he finally absorbed everything, he became confused. "Why?" He looked at Snape questioningly.

"Why?….Why?" Snape repeated, incredulous. He seemed to have shook off any trace of fear and once again gave Harry the 'you're an idiot' look. "Surely, you must realize, Mr. Potter, that for a teacher to..to kiss" he seemed to choke on the last word "a student would be sufficient grounds for a dismissal?" 

The explanation only deepened Harry's confusion. "But" he shook his head softly "You didn't…I mean." He gave Snape a searching look. "I kissed you. So. So its not like you would get in trouble for something I did." Even if you did kiss me back he added silently.

Snape looked mildly indignant. "You most certainly did not. I remember distinctly. I.." Snape trailed off as the full implication of what Harry had just said sunk in. His eyes went wide as he stared, shocked, at his student.

Harry wasn't faring much better. His mouth hung open as he stared at his potion's master. Snape had thought…Snape had wanted. It seemed so impossible, but it was true. Snape had wanted to kiss him. Harry wanted nothing more in that moment than to jump up and down, shouting joyously to the four walls. For some reason though, he was completely incapable of doing anything but staring, slack-jawed, at Snape. 

Snape was the first to look away. Looking down at his desk, he gave a short bitter laugh. "You are dismissed, Potter." He sounded as though the last few minutes had never happened.

It was as if Harry had been slapped. Confused and hurt he took a step forward. His thighs nearly touched Snape's desk. "But.."

Snape held up his hand for Harry to be silent. "We will not discuss it. You should put it out of your mind." He reached for some paper and a quill and began to write, ignoring Harry completely. 

But Harry wasn't going to be dismissed so quickly. "No, I want.." He was cut off by Snape slamming his hand down on the desk hard enough to snap the quill and topple the bottle of ink.

"Well that is very unfortunate." Snape barked angrily. "Because this is not a question of wants, is it, Mr. Potter?" He cleaned up the ink with a flick of his wand, and reached for another quill. Once again he began to write as if Harry wasn't there.

Harry was flushed with rage. He glared at the potion's master, willing him to look up. Snape kept writing. Harry couldn't take it any longer. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND." He shouted. Snape didn't flinch, but he did look up at last. "Why are you doing this? Why can't we.." Snape stood so quickly, Harry stumbled back in surprise, but quickly righted himself and stepped towards Snape as he put his hands on the desk and leaned forward so his face was only inches from Harry's.

"Why can't we?" Snape hissed. "Perhaps you **are** an idiot, Mr. Potter. That would be the only explanation for such a stupid question." He drew himself upright and glared down at Harry. "I am your teacher. I was in the same year at school as your father. I am a former death eater. Those should be reason enough." 

Harry cocked his head to the side thoughtfully. "What if I said I'd already considered all that and I didn't care?"

Snape dropped ungracefully in his chair, utterly deflated. He stared at Harry in bewilderment. Finally he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He sighed. "Then I would say that once again you wish to rush into action without consideration of the consequences." He looked at Harry sternly. "It is against the rules, and before you say anything," Harry closed his mouth. "it would be a gross violation of trust, especially on my part, to go any further than I already have. And if it became public knowledge? I would not only lose my job, but whatever is left of my reputation would be destroyed as well. You, being the boy-who-lived, would only fare slightly better." Snape closed his eyes wearily. "So for once in your life, Potter, just do what you're told. Go back to your dormitory."

He didn't want to. He wanted to stay, but much of what Snape had said made sense. He had a lot to think about. Oh, he wasn't about to give in. Already, he could see some flaws in Snape's arguments. He would wait though. Wait to get his thoughts in order, to work through everything Snape said and to let himself calm down. He gathered up his things quietly. Snape was no longer pretending to write, but he wasn't looking at Harry either. Reaching the door, Harry turned around to find Snape staring after him. Before his expression became closed once more, Harry thought he saw something like sadness etched into Snape's face. He smiled softly. "Good-bye, professor."

He told himself that he didn't expect a response as he closed the door behind him and headed back to his dorm.


	5. Busted Stuff

A/N: Well here it is, finally. Sorry bout the delay. This is the second to last chapter of this story. There will be at least one sequel. Hope you like it r/r.

Harry didn't go to lunch that day. He wasn't really hungry plus the thought of having to try and hold a conversation with Lupin or worse, having to see Snape, was enough to quench any appetite he might have had.

So instead he spent the afternoon cloistered in the warm cocoon of his bed, thinking. Well, wallowing really. He felt unbearably guilty. All this time he had been walking around like some love-sick teenager. Blushing, stuttering, mooning over Snape at meals. Then, when he had figured out Snape might return some of his feelings, he had instantly formed some childish plot to make him admit to it. Harry had treated it all like a game. But Snape wasn't some boy who sat next to him in class. He was a grown man, a teacher. And Harry had never seriously considered what that meant in all of this.

Replaying the conversation with Snape over and over again, Harry recalled the sad defeat on his face, the pleading in his voice when he had asked Harry not to tell anyone about their kiss. For a man always so obsessed with rules, a man who had been willing to risk his life for what was right, to have kissed a student must have torn at his conscience. Harry hoped that Snape might feel a little better about it now that he knew Harry had been a more than willing participant, hell he'd been the instigator, in that kiss. Even if the knowledge did ease Snape's guilt somewhat, it really didn't help Harry in any way. He was so confused. What was he going to do now?

Because what Snape had said to him made sense, but it didn't change the way Harry felt. Actually, the more he thought about it, his feelings were perhaps a bit stronger now. Probably not the reaction Snape was going for, and certainly not a normal one towards rejection, but Harry had given up any pretense at normalcy the day he discovered that Severus Snape could give him an erection simply by speaking. He sighed and punched his pillow.

"Stupid git" He groused to absolutely no one. "Why couldn't he have just said something humiliating, yelled at me, something normal."

But of course he hadn't. He had looked scared and sad. And all his reasons for refusing Harry had been noble and simply more proof of his generally superior character. Harry really didn't need any more reasons to respect and like Snape, but of course the man would have to provide them. Life really wasn't fair.

No, Harry reflected sadly, it really wasn't. And maybe it was time to acknowledge that. Maybe he should just listen to Snape. Just because you wanted something didn't mean you got it. And then Snape wouldn't have to feel guilty, and they wouldn't have to worry about being caught. Yes, things would be much easier if he just went to Snape and told him that he was right and that would be the end of it. The thought made Harry feel strangely hollow.

Maybe he was being selfish. Not giving enough weight to Snape's feelings, but, damn it, the man wanted it too. Moralistic, self-sacrificing bastard. Well Harry would have none of that. He was going to go to Snape and tell him exactly what he thought of all the "reasons" they couldn't be together. He wasn't going to stutter or blush or act like some infatuated schoolgirl. Well, he was going to try not to. Any and all self-assuredness Harry possessed seemed to go out the window whenever Snape was around.

Harry checked his watch. Time for dinner. Feeling much better, Harry hopped out of bed and went down to the great hall. He was anxious to talk to Snape, but was fairly sure he would need his strength in order to change his professor's mind. Plus it would be a good way to gauge Snape's mood before confronting him.

Walking into the great hall, Harry instantly saw that Snape wasn't at dinner again. God, the man was really making this easy wasn't he? He smiled to himself. Snape's anti-social behavior would give Harry a perfectly legitimate excuse to go down to the dungeons. 

He was really too nervous and excited to eat, but after a few anxious inquiries from Remus about his health ~Harry had missed lunch as well~ he decided it would be prudent to force down a few bites. He didn't want to arouse any unnecessary interest in his activities after all. 

A few hurried bites later, Harry excused himself from the table. He didn't even bother with an excuse, just bolted to the kitchens. Dobby and the other house elves were more than happy to provide him with a tray stacked with all sorts of succulent fare. He thanked them quickly, sending them into ecstasies, and made his way toward the dungeon.

The dishes clanked and rattled between his trembling hands. He had to stop several times in the hall to take deep breaths in an effort to calm the violent flutters in his hands and chest. Finally, Harry stood in front of Snape's office door. Transferring the tray to one shaking arm, he raised his hand and knocked briskly on the door. He could do this. He could do this. He had faced Voldemort. He had lived with the Dursely's for eleven years. He could do this.

"Come in, Potter." Snape's low voice snapped from the other side of the door.

Harry's hand froze on the doorknob. Snape knew? How? Harry's first instinct was to turn and run, but the sorting hat had put him in Griffindor for a reason. He clasped the tray close to his chest to stop some of its violent shaking and stepped through the door.

Snape was reading what appeared to be a thick, ancient tome of some kind. He didn't even glance up. When he spoke his voice was coolly unconcerned.

"If you are here to bring me supper, then set it on my desk and goodnight." He licked his finger and turned a page. "However, if you are here to make some melodramatic proclamation of love, I suggest you get on with it so I can read in peace."

Later, Harry would reflect that it was really the best possible thing Snape could have said. Upon hearing those words, all of Harry's nervousness melted away to be replaced by a fierce anger. In a few quick strides, he was standing in front of Snape's desk. He slammed the tray down hard enough to make one of the dishes fall to the floor with a loud crash. He didn't spare it a glance.

"You fucking ass." He ground out at Snape's still bent head. A moment of perfect stillness passed and Harry wondered if perhaps Snape was simply going to ignore him until he went away.

At last, Snape raised his head leisurely. He appeared completely nonplussed. 

"Now that you've got that off your chest perhaps I can be left in peace." His look of patronizing forbearance seemed like the sort of thing one might direct at an annoying toddler. It incensed Harry, but he stood his ground.

"No, not until we talk." 

Snape gave an impatient little sigh and went back to his book. "All that needs to be said, has been said. That is the end of the matter."

Harry disagreed. "You're the only one who said anything. I want to talk." Oh, no. He sounded like some sort of petulant child. Who cared? Snape was being childish with his whole 'ignore-it-til-it-goes-away' attitude. He set his jaw, looked Snape in the eye and prayed fervently that he looked calmer than he felt.

It must have worked. Snape made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. "Fine. Speak." He leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers together. "But be quick, I will not waste the entire evening listening to your ramblings."

Harry had, in the privacy of his room, composed an eloquent, moving speech, and rehearsed it dozens of times. If asked to debate, in front of the entire school, the many merits of Snape-shagging, he could do it. But now, face to face with the one person he most wanted to hear his speech, he could not remember a single syllable of it. He opened and closed his mouth several times with no results. The silence, as well as Harry's blush, deepened to an unbearable point. Snape rolled his eyes.

"Well then" He gave a bored sigh "Perhaps I can help you. Hmm?" He brushed some dust off his robe casually. "No doubt you were planning to wax poetic about the fact that we are currently embroiled in a war." He looked up at Harry's stunned expression. "I'll take that as a yes. You would then use this as an excuse for us to simply give in to whatever odd desire happened to take hold of us since we might not live much longer and should therefore seize the day." He leaned back and crossed his legs. "Have I left anything out?" No response. Snape raised an eyebrow. "Good. In that case allow me to say that I have no plans of dying during this war. As for you Mr. Potter, you have some of the most powerful wizards in the world working to make sure you survive as well. So I refuse to compromise either my personal ethics or the rules of this school. Save your breath Potter and leave me be."  
It took a moment for Snape's little speech to sink in, and when it finally did, all Harry could do was laugh. Loud and incredulous, it spilled forth for several moments before he managed to choke it back. Snape looked vaguely surprised.

"Umm." Harry shook his head, smiling. "That's not what I was going to say." Snape blinked several times rapidly. "But it's a really good point." Harry's expression became serious as he looked at Snape. "And you can't know that we'll survive. Voldemort wants both of us dead and he's already gotten to me several times even with all the protection you say I have." He smiled softly in an attempt to lighten the suddenly somber mood. "So that's not really a very good argument." Snape glared furiously. His nostrils flared. Harry smiled and continued. "What I was going to say was…" He trailed off for a moment. "When you said that thing earlier about how it would be a betrayal of trust?" He looked to Snape for some acknowledgement of the previous conversation. There was none. Of course. He took a deep breath. "You were talking about Dumbledore, weren't you?" Snape's face remained stony. "Um, cause…cause if.." God, out with it already. "Well I don't think that would be a very good argument either." He took a deep breath and rushed on before Snape could interrupt. "Look, you almost got killed because you were spying for Dumbledore. I'm being trained so that one day, probably soon, I can go fight Voldemort and hopefully win. We're…we just do a lot, risk a lot, for everyone else." He paused, unsure of how exactly to phrase what he wanted to say. "We deserve to be happy." He cringed inwardly, that sounded so stupid. "To have some…something for ourselves." Harry made a mental note never to pursue a career that might involve public speaking. He hazarded a glance at Snape and was immensely relieved to see the thin lips twitching ever so slightly upwards.

"I must say that I am quite surprised, Mr. Potter." The thin lips pursed as he eyed Harry speculatively. "That is a very….Slytherine rationale for the messiah of Griffindor to come up with." Harry's smile was so wide he felt like his face would break. "However" The smile fell. "While your adolescent mind might equate sexual encounters" Harry started blushing, damnit. "with happiness, I am under no such illusions."

"It's not….I..It..wouldn't." He didn't want to blurt out something stupid, again, but he had let Snape know somehow. "It wouldn't just be.." He searched for a word he could use without embarrassment. "Shagging." Well done indeed Potter. "It would be more than…that, for us."

Snape arched a dark eyebrow at this statement. "Don't flatter yourself, Mr. Potter."

Harry suddenly forgot how to breathe. He stared at Snape's impassive face, there was no flicker of any emotion within the dark eyes. "You're lying." He wasn't sure if it was a statement or a plea.

Snape cocked his head to the side and smiled with mocking amusement. "Surely Mr. Potter, even with your infamous ego, you could not have possibly believed that I harbored some sort of tender feeling for you?"

'Yes' Harry's mind supplied. Yes, that is exactly what he'd believed. Everything had pointed him to that conclusion. Hadn't it? "But the…the hospital wing..we..we kissed."

"Extraordinarily observant as always Potter. A kiss however, is just that, a kiss. Attraction is not evidence of emotion." He fixed Harry with a penetrating stare. "If you came here tonight intending to convince me to enter into some sort of relationship," He looked disgusted. "then allow me to say there are few things on this earth that I would want less than to spend any of my extra time with you, Mr. Potter." He turned his attention back to his book. "Now, go away."

Harry moved, without thinking, to the door. He felt numb, incapable of any coherent thought. He wanted to say something, do something, but there was nothing to say. He paused at the door to turn around and look at his professor. How could he have been so wrong? And why did it suddenly feel like something was pressing down on his chest? 

Feeling Harry's gaze, Snape looked up impatiently. Harry just stared back, looking dazed. He made no move to leave. Snape opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off when Harry gave a small cry and collapsed to his knees, both hands placed tightly over the scar on his forehead. Snape stood so quickly his chair toppled over. He didn't notice. "Potter?" There was no response, no acknowledgement that he had spoken. He rushed over to Harry who was rocking back and forth, breathing in shallow, pain-filled gasps.

He knelt next to the young man. "Potter?" Harry only whimpered. Snape reached out and slipped on arm around Harry's back where it stroked up and down soothingly. His other hand came to rest under Harry's chin. "Potter?" He tried to get him to look up. "Harry? Harry, please. Look at me Harry." He was getting scared and a little frantic. "Should I get the headmaster?" His hand never stopped the rhythmic stroking on Harry's back. At last it seemed to pass, Harry slouched toward the floor, exhausted. Snape gathered him in his arms and stroked his hair, rocking him gently. After a moment, Harry began to pull away. Snape looked down to assure himself the boy was all right. Harry was grinning from ear to ear. He gave a small laugh.

"So you don't care for me at all, huh?"

Snape gazed down in astonishment which was quickly replaced by anger. He pushed Potter away roughly and began to stand up. A hand reached out, grabbed his own and pulled, he tumbled down. He looked up to see Harry's still grinning face inches away from his own.

"I knew you were lying." He whispered breathlessly before pulling his stunned professor in for a kiss.


End file.
